One of the checkers at one of our two main groceries...
...shares her name with my mother's maiden name. Thus, she and I always acknowledge each other, whether or not I end up at her register. When she does check me out, we chat about Mom. She's a sunny, optimistic, genial person, just like my mother...I've been meaning to ask her if she's also a Leo, as is my mother. I discovered, today, that she shares yet another trait with Mom: She loves to drool over the holiday magazine recipes. I bought a stack of them today for Mom...I'd been forgetting over the last few weeks despite Mom, bless her sugar coated heart, having reminded me numerous times that I "was going to pick up some holiday food magazines this time."
    About midway through today's chat with my mother's name twin, she queried, "Now, your mother lives in one of those little homes, doesn't she?"
    I chuckled. "Well, our home is definitely little, but it's ours. We live together."
    "Oh," she said, "I thought your Mom was on Hospice."
    "Oh, yeah, she is," I confirmed.
    "Hmmm...I didn't know you could do Hospice at home."
    "Yep, thank the gods, frankly. She's doing really well, we're into our 5th month of her first death sentence (the clerk looked a little shocked at my term but, other than that, didn't react) and I think we're going to celebrate starting her second six months on New Year's."
    "Well, good for you. My dad was in Hospice toward the end," she said, "and, even though he was pretty bad off, I still swear, he would have been more comfortable at home and probably would have lived longer, but my mom just couldn't handle taking care of him. It's good that she lives with you."
    Funny, I hear that a lot...the part about "at home...probably would have lived longer". "Actually, I like to say that we live together and that she and I are companions because, well, that's what we are."
    Mom's name twin looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face. "Well, that's why she's doing so well! You're Mom's a lucky one. Can I adopt you after your Mom dies?"
    "How about if we adopt each other," I suggested. "That's pretty much what Mom and I did."
    "You got a deal!" I believe, if the cash register hadn't been in the way, we would have shaken on it.
    I left the store feeling super. Lately, I've been stressing, more than usual, which accounts for my more than frequent fussiness, about what, in this world, in this country, my life is going to be after my mother dies, considering that my society has already given me many messages indicating that it will consider the last 15 years of my life absolutely worthless, except for the fact that my society is waiting to turn those years into a mammoth stone to be pushed over the edge of my life at my mother's death, destroying my future, and I, frankly, don't feel as though I have the strength to fight this. I don't regret a moment of my years with my mother...and I wouldn't change anything, but, you know, I did it at the wrong time in the wrong society and that's not fun to confront, either. After the above conversation, on my way home from the grocery I was surprised to find myself contemplating the following: Over and over again, in these journals and in my mind, I have noted how blessed I feel my mother and I are during this period in both of our lives; why haven't I also considered that those blessing might continue after her death? Maybe they will, for both the spirit of my mother and myself.
    That's the power of positive caregiver conversation, folks. Speak nurturingly to your local caregiver, today.

    I've got a few minutes left before awakening my mother. Even though it's nigh on 1430, that will be her 12-hour-sleep-mark. I considered, last night, out loud, for her benefit, as a kind of preparation, awakening her at 1330, then I finished out her Dailies stats for yesterday and realized she's been up for 10 hours. She could use a full 12 hours after the last few "Bad Cancer Cycle" days and a full day yesterday. And, anyway, it's going to be a late one tonight. Last night one of the advertising channels showed the Christopher Reeve Superman I movie. My mother has been an inordinate fan of the Reeve Superman movies since each debuted in theaters, so we couldn't miss last night's movie. She was glued to the set during the entire three hours, including for the commercials. Tonight the first sequel is airing on the same channel. My mother noticed it being advertised, of course, so we are planning a Superman II night, with Papa Murphy's pizza, loaded with pepperoni and doctored at home before baking with onion slices, green olives, sun dried tomatoes and Parmesan cheese. Since the showing doesn't start until 2300 and continues until 0130 tomorrow morning, I figure, what the hell, let her sleep. She'll need it for tonight.
    Although Mom didn't move much, yesterday, she seemed to feel better, was up quite a bit longer than she has been, didn't resist (much, anyway) being roused and attacked both her dinner and the movie with gusto. I'm hoping yesterday foreshadows today.
    I've got one minute left before Zero Hour. Oh, I want to mention, I'm almost done correcting links. I'm on the last two sections, The Dailies sites. It's been going much faster than I expected. I hope I'm not missing any links but, if I happened to miss the one you need, let me know and I'll correct it.
    Later.
- posted by Gail Rae @ 14:29   email  this post