Aside from the great pleasure my mother took in Visiting Day...
...the day was exhausting for her. She loves visitors, especially family; she loves all the mental activity involved in catching up, reacquainting and the heightened atmosphere of multiple people in conversation. She is always self-possessed and self-assured with company. Even though it's been some years since she's been mobile during visits, either here or at the homes of others, she likes the extra movement, the flurry of people coming and going, rearranging themselves within a defined space. She gets high on the excitement and "the love". It used to be, some decades ago, that a visiting day meant a prolonged evening dedicated to savoring the visit, branding it to memory. This is no longer the case.
    I know I mentioned that her spirit remains in the habit of remaining up for Visit Rehashing...her body, though, does not. She slept hard and deep during her nap, last night and was very hard to rouse. Instead of chuckling when I clambered over her to scratch and rub her back, she groaned. She didn't even twitch as The Little Girl prowled over her side and stomach, trying to nudge her into some miscellaneous petting. She was pretty adamant that she didn't think it was necessary to do anything besides sleep through the night. So, I designed a Bedside Evening and, surprisingly, managed to involve her in it. Truth is, I wasn't sure that this would work.
    She didn't talk much, except to insist, toward the visit's end, that she move around the table and be allowed to use MPBIL's slick, complicated camera to take a shot of everyone without her. It wasn't easy to dissuade her, but the effort of attempting to push herself, in her chair, away from the table to rise did the trick. Because she was so quiet, I missed her intensity as I interacted with company. Thus, I was surprised to discover, during Evening Rehash, that she'd picked up quite a bit of news. She commented on MPBIL's hat and we discussed the astonishing quality and beauty of Stetsons, with which she was familiar but about which I'd remained in ignorance until I noticed MPBIL's, yesterday, and was allowed to examine it. She asked, "Now, what was that about a 'great guy' for [MPNC]? He sounds good, but are we sure about him?" revealing that she'd paid close attention to our discussion of MPNC's new boyfriend. Some of the conversation had revolved around the vagaries of insurance, specifically in regard to plumbing disasters. During Rehash Mom dredged up an eight and a half year old memory of our plumbing disaster and quizzed me about how much had been covered by our home insurance, as though the disaster happened yesterday, remembering that MPBIL's insurance had covered the plumbing repair for their recent disaster (ours had not). She remarked, as well, on "how good everyone looked", which they did, going on to mention that MPS seemed "much more settled with teaching" (even though we hadn't talked about her teaching, this time), which required harking back to memories of MPS' first distressing years in the profession.
    No wonder Mom was exhausted and opted for a short, sweet Bedside Evening (and would have opted for sleeping through, had I allowed it). During visits, now-a-days, the woman appears to be a little to the side of what's going on...but, turns out, she's fully present, focused, and terribly busy, besides.
    A lot of this transpired because the visit took place close around her. This isn't always the case. For the last few relative visits Mom's been forced to the periphery, mainly because, somehow or another, they've tended to revolve around me and take place through multiple rooms in the house, outside and on shopping trips, which makes it difficult for Mom to keep up. She remains, however, even now as her health declines, visit oriented. I need to remember this and make sure, from now on, that she takes the pivot point during future visits.
    Although it seemed like a "short" day for Mom, I was surprised to discover, during my Dailies tally, that she was up eight hours, just slightly under her average. When she retired at midnight, which is early, for her, I mentioned to her that I'd be awakening her at noon, so her day would be getting an earlier than usual start. Yet again, her memory of what seems like the inconsequential food detail in our lives surprised me. "Good," she said, "maybe we can order pizza for dinner." Our favorite pizza place has restricted hours, now, for take out...probably due to slowed business.
    Maybe we can.
    Intriguing, what a mental workout can do for a decidedly "creative" mind!
    Later.
- posted by Gail Rae @ 08:03   email  this post