I am finally reading Final Gifts.
    Although I've had it for quite awhile, I was urged to read it by our assigned Hospice Nurse and decided it might be a good idea to pack that one under my belt in order to make sure that I wasn't continually questioned about whether I'd yet read it.
    I started it last night. I've spent about three hours with it. I'm somewhat over halfway through. It's an easy book to read. I skipped the chapter about the stages of dying because I'm more than familiar with Kubler-Ross' work; I was enchanted by it when her first book about dying was published some decades ago and have followed her thoughts, including her own experience with terminality, her disputes with her own observations and theories and her subsequent apology for her reversal.
    The reason I'm writing about my reading of this book before I'm finished? At the point where I am now I began to wonder whether there were any deaths of those with dementia in the book (other than, of course, the altered state of consciousness which appears prior to death). I scanned forward and discovered that none of the case studies describe people with any stage of dementia who are dying. One case study mentions a husband, displaying what I would class as Dementia-Lite, of one of the case studies. He wasn't the one dying, though.
    It's hard for me not to wonder how all this information fits those who have dementia and are dying because of my experience with my mother. Mom has been living in Timelessness for some time. She spends much time in The Dead Zone; although, curiously, lately she hasn't, probably because of all the people who have surrounded her lately, all of whom she considers "visitors", including those who tended to her in all three facilities. It's possible that she has been spending time in The Dead Zone but those periods have fused with the visitors of her "real" life and she simply isn't talking about The Dead Zone visits, much. She certainly appears to move through a denial stage, evidenced by her assertion, some months ago, that she won't be dying. Put in the eccentric perspective of her life, though, I've considered for some of those months, that she isn't denying the possibility of death so much as acknowledging that death implies some sort of continuation...just as birth is a type of death but is actually a continuation.
    The thing is, since my mother has, for some years, been living a life of expanded consciousness which covers an area similar (sometimes startlingly so) to the Near Death Awareness described in the book, I wonder if her experience is going to be somewhat different than what is described or if it will be an intensification of what we've been experiencing for years. I wonder if I will be able to distinguish between the reality that her vascular dementia has created for us and the dementia of her Near Death Awareness.
    I imagine there is information "out there" that delineates the Near Death Awareness of those who have been demented for many years previous to death. This book makes an interesting point, here and there, as well, that sometimes Near Death Awareness begins "years" before death...which causes me to wonder if these authors have either missed the difference between dementia in life and dementia in Near Death Awareness or have fused the two and interpret even extended periods of dementia previous to death as Near Death Awareness.
    My intention is to look for reports about the death experiences of those entrenched in dementia prior to an obvious "dying phase" (a phrase not taken from this book but from Hospice literature)...as time and my peculiar prioritizing permits, of course. If I come across anything I will surely report it here.
    I'm taking a few "lessons" from this book: Specifically, the importance of awareness, observation and consideration regarding the companion's incorporation of the experiences of those in Near Death Awareness. Since I do that, anyway, I'm sure I won't have a problem with this but it never hurts to be reminded and to heighten one's alertness to "clues".
    I will be finishing the book. I think it will be handy information to have on one of my brain shelves as our life together continues. My intention, though, is to live our life as I have been and remaining open, in my peculiar way, to what is going on with My Beloved Ancient One.
    Oh, almost forgot to mention: There is another issue in the book that has caught my attention. It is that, fairly often, just previous to death, the Dying One will rally his or her strength and attempt to physically move, i.e., get out of bed, etc., will fall...and die. I consider this a possibility in my mother's case, as she has, on occasion, especially back in January, been provoked to mobility by some strong, internal impulse. She has fallen and could easily again fall. I also received reports from the "Sniff" that, a couple of times, she attempted to get out of bed in the middle of the night. So far, I think, these episodes, if at all related to Near Death Awareness, which is dubious, are a distant relation. But, considering that she is prone to such episodes, it's probably a good idea for me to keep an even more watchful eye on her, now.
    Today is yet another visiting day. MPS and MPBIL are coming over early this afternoon with pizza for breakfast, which I expect will surely delight my mother and spur her to a noon arousal. Maybe, I'm thinking, if the weather remains balmy and calm, we might be able to get her in the wheel chair and take a tour of the yard. We haven't yet done that; partly because of the weather and partly because other activities press upon our time. I want to get her used to going outside a lot, as she has expressed an interest in this. I'm even thinking that walks (with her in the wheel chair) around our half wild neighborhood may be a possibility. We'll see. Anyway, I need to shower then rouse The Mom. Not that me showering before I have my daily sauna experience will do any actual good, but it should make me feel a little cleaner.
    Later.
- posted by Gail Rae @ 10:42   email  this post