It doesn't have to be an overwhelming day...
...when I have more than I can sanely handle to be the kind of day that throws me into intermittent moments of feeling, "Yeow, I can't believe I'm doing this all myself! I wish I wasn't doing it all myself!" Today, for instance is one of the easiest days my mother and I have had, so far, except, I understand, Mom's day was ushered in with a hard night in which she awoke out of a coughing fit, became anxious and asked for me over and over. I guess she was settled down. I left a note in the Dailies on her Nursing Chart that, if this should happen and the staff has trouble calming her down to be sure and call me in. But, Mom got through it with only mild repercussions, the main one being that she is tired today.
    Otherwise, during my quick visits home, more than one, today, I've been blowing out the evaporative cooler with vinegar water to rid it of hard water build up so it will be ready when the hot weather hits later this week. I smell like vinegar, but that's no big deal, and I always enjoy fooling around with machines, so that's been diverting. Mom's been in a fair mood. I paid mid-month bills, today. I haven't yet gotten around to restoring my old Mac files...although I guess I'd better do that soon. I've just about decided to take the machine into the facility with me during the day and do it while I'm there with Mom...although that will tend to divert my attention away from Mom, which she'll feel and may find annoying. Mom is wishing she was home...so am I, so are the kitties. That's nothing unusual. I'm not tired, got a good sleep, last night. Not hungry, not dehydrated...and not concerned that there are oodles of things that should be done that I won't be able to get done before Mom comes home and Hospice steps into our lives...Hospice will just have to step back a little and let me do things in my own time, I'm settled with that...
    ...so, maybe, it's just the smoothness of the day that throws me back on myself and causes me to reflect, here and there, that this isn't easy and I wish it was a little easier. I wish it wasn't just me. I mean, you know, there are plenty of times when I'm actually glad it is just me. But, today, I'm wishing it wasn't.
    Back to the facility. Smelling of white vinegar.
    Later.
- posted by Gail Rae @ 14:52   email  this post