I just dreamt of my mother's final bed jacket/pajama set.
    Yes, I napped late this afternoon into early this evening. I've had some short nights in a row, lately, I finally decided to make up for the lack of sleep this afternoon. I'm glad I did, because, aside from feeling revved up again, I was treated to this delight of a dream just before awakening.
    The pajamas consisted of a loose nylon fuschia pant gathered at the waist, very simple design, and an equally simple baby doll, short sleeved, pale pink top, open down the front and attached with "old" silver buttons, gathered just above the breasts and back. The bed jacket, ahhh, this was beautiful, so beautiful that my mother, in the dream, was excited about donning it. It was of loose but straight cut, a vaguely oriental design with one of those little oriental collars set slightly away from the neck. The outer material was a medium, shimmery lavender silk brocade. The brocaded design was of a tiny stylized bird, so distinctive that I've drawn it so that I remember it. I've scanned it into this post. It's a little rough, since I'm not all that proficient with computer graphic programs, but the general shape is correct; just imagine it smoother and tinier. The bird was embroidered in deep fushia, matching the pants, in syncopated rows throughout the fabric. The jacket was lined with plain lavender satin. It had two generous scoop pockets on either side of the front. It closed only at the top, below the collar, with one "old" silver button, matching those on the pajama top, and a loop fastened between the lining and the top fabric that stretched from the opposite side to the button. It was finished with fushia piping around all outer edges and pale pink piping between the neck and collar, along the inside of the plackets down either side of the front, and along the lower edge of the, hmmm, what do you call that part, ah, yes, the yoke, which stretched around the entire top of the jacket.
    In the dream, we were in a slightly different house, although I knew this to be "our" house. MCS & MCBIL were visiting, with the intention of staying through her final days. This particular day was not her final day, though, and she wasn't retiring for the night, she was retiring for a late-in-the-day nap. Her bed was of the hospital variety, lower, though, to the floor than most, but having an attached table that could be swung back and forth at the inhabitant's desire and the mattress affording the ability to raise the head of the bed so the inhabitant could sit up and read, which she'd decided, in the dream, to do, before sleeping. However, when we entered the room I noticed that she'd lowered the head of the bed flat and had made herself a sitting prop by piling "all my favorite things" atop one another over the full first quarter of the bed. She was very pleased with this arrangement. It is impossible for me to enumerate, let along remember, all the articles contained in this closely packed prop, although in the dream each on the top layer was clearly visible and I recognized all that I saw. I agreed with her that this was a splendid prop. I wish I could remember what the items were, mainly because I'd like to know if I dreamed items that I know, in reality, she might consider her "favorite things". Oh well.
    Anyway, a few other interesting details: My mother's physical dream self was not actually my mother but a woman I know here in Prescott who's first name is the same as my mother, but who is taller than my mother, more slender and has a generous pixie cut of auburn hair. This is also the woman who, many years ago, gently scolded me, telling me that she did not see an "ancient" woman when she looked at my mother, but an old, proud beauty...or something like that. I should look that up so that I remember her words exactly. It's somewhere in the Histories, I think, or maybe the first archive. Damn, that I don't have the search facility, right now.
    When I awoke out of the dream, as well, I had on my mind a phrase from "The Conversation" part of the PBS Caring for Your Parents program: I'm sure I don't remember it accurately, so I'll have to go back and check it, but it was something Gail Sheehy, one of the panel members, said about meaningful final experiences, although she used a better word than "meaningful", and, as well, I don't remember all she said.
    Yes, I sew, and rather well, although, if I plan to make this pajama/bed jacket ensemble for my mother I'll have to have the machine recalibrated. I have a sister who sews well, also, and might have the ability to produce the specific type of brocade for which the bed jacket calls. If worse comes to worse, I could probably find a sewing expert who could produce such an outfit. Besides, I'm sure I should run the design by my mother before I produce it. It may not appeal to my mother at all.
    I think I invented the dream in part because MCS and I had a telephone conversation today in which she and I reiterated that it is my intention to allow my mother to die at home and not to spend any more time than absolutely necessary in hospital, if any is necessary. MCS absolutely agrees with me on this. So does my mother. She prefers the idea of dying at home to dying in a hospital, "unless that's unavoidable." I hadn't given any afterthought to what my mother's final-final days might be like, so, I guess, my dream mind took over. I'm glad it did. I can imagine that my mother will probably be fairly well bedridden during her final days and I'm sure she'd love a nicely appointed bed outfit.

    As I reminder to myself, I also want to record, here, some information MCS passed to me about erythropoeitin therapy and some of the blood test results from the 3/27/08 blood draw.
    I think I hear my mother rousing from her nap. She is still awfully tired, today, although now I have a better understanding of why she might be.
    Later.
- posted by Gail Rae @ 19:53   email  this post